Meeting Obligations with Right Effort

Today is January 1, a time I review my intentions for the next year (New Year's Resolutions).  A resolution I thought about recently was, "How can I increase my integrity by meeting my commitments and obligations?"

The solution is a paradox.  For most people reading this, it is impossible to improve in this task by increasing effort in commitment to obligations.  This is because increasing such effort only increases the number of commitments and obligations with no possible end. 

When someone “enables” another person, it is because one person has taken on an obligation that belongs to the other person and therefore he or she is over-doing while the other person is under-doing.  In addition, the other person is deprived of the opportunity to accept responsibility, leaving them increasingly dependent.  It is called co-dependency, when one person is unwilling to let the other person accept his or her responsibility due to an emotional over-involvement.  (As in the case when one would feel guilty if he or she required the other to suffer the consequences of his or her choice.)  One is co-dependent to the extent that he or she sees the the other person's under-do as an opportunity to over-do, to avoid feeling guilty about the other's plight (result of Karma), which of course is totally due to the other person’s conduct (such as a habit of under-doing or doing wrong actions).  No amount of over-doing or enabling (by someone else) will resolve this issue and inevitably over-doing/enabling (by someone else) only contributes to more under-doing or wrong action on the part of the other.

Even in the case were there is no co-dependency operating, this same dynamic (if I over-do, someone else is likely to be in the position of under-doing) is at work. This could be the situation when one fails to delegate appropriately or when one simply volunteers for more than can be handled.

It was suggested earlier that for most of us reading here, it is not possible to increase commitment to obligations as a solution.  It is assumed that if you are reading this you are open to insight and strive for a life of integrity. Therefore you are probably already exerting right effort, but may still be having difficulty.  If this is the case, it is suggested that the problem may be related to not setting boundaries on the obligations accepted.

Engaging in more dilegent effort to meet obligations is (perhaps) what we have been trying without success. Increasing the commitment to work harder at obligations usually results only in accumulating more obligations that cannot be fully accomplished. However, there is at least a partial solution.

The key to meeting obligations is appropriate boundaries.  If one only accepts those obligations that one actually owns, it is more likely "right effort" will accomplish these.  When one accepts obligations that actually belong to others, there is no end to the cycle of accepting more and more obligation, because the others may begin or continue to expect this. With so many things that need to be done in the world, there is an endless supply of obligations that can never be fully met.

Summary:  The key to meeting commitments is to only accept those that are actually yours, by maintaining appropriate boundaries.  Accept only commitments and obligations that are appropriate, by saying “No” when it is needed.  Then you can extend right effort to accomplish these appropriate obligations. Avoid taking on another’s obligations because this diminishes the other by placing him or her in the position of not doing his or her fair share. 

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Enjoying the ride to the cemetery

Meeting Buddha on the Road

I posted on this topic once before (http://web.archive.org/web/20070520195445/www.practicaldharma.com/?m=200601) in January, 2006.  "It" happened to me again the other day.  There is an employee of the hospital that everyone knows because he delivers the sheets and blankets to all of the units.  He is a bit of a character.  He wears a uniform that looks a little bit like a police uniform with motorcycle boots (although it is in compliance with the uniform standard for his department.)  He rolls the sleeves of his (always) short sleeve shirt up, and sometimes I think I can see what looks like a pack of cigarettes in that James Dean style.  (This would be purely for affect because smoking is not allowed anywhere on hospital grounds.)  He wears his hair in a sorta Mohawk, although the sides are not overly short.  I have seen him ride up to work on his motorcycle.

I was taking a shortcut through the hospital basement when I ran into him.  He said he could hardly wait for Friday, even though this was Tuesday afternoon.  I casually mentioned that I had a good weekend, but that I don't like to "wish my life away by living for the future".  He picked up right away, saying, "Yes, you can't enjoy the moment you are in if you do that."  Then he said, "... like, you can't even enjoy a nice ride to the cemetery...."  He seemed embarrassed that he had said that and added some short explanation, "... like if you were going there for a family member ...."  But I was enthusiastic in my agreement with him.  I thought he said the most profound thing I have heard from the mouth of another in years!

I hope I can live in the moment to enjoy this ride to the cemetery.

The Lojong Sayings

Tonglen / Lojong:

Tonglen - sending & taking.  Lojong - practice w/ proverbs.

1. Preliminaries

1) First, learn the preliminaries.

a. Appreciate Life & hearing the Buddhadharma,

b. Know the reality of death,

c. Accept Karma,

d. Accept the inevitability of cyclic suffering)

2. Formal Practice (2-10)

2) Think all phenomena are like dreams.  (My reality depends on momentary perception) 

3)  Analyze the unborn nature of awareness.  (There is no "Me" independent of momentary perception)

4)  Let even the antidote vanish of itself.  (Don't cling to the method) 

5) Settle in pure awareness (samadhi - enlightenment / sabbodhi - awareness of things as they are)

6) In post meditation, be a child of illusion.  (Between sessions maintain awareness of the dependent nature of reality)

7) Alternately practice sending & taking.  (Meditation: Breathe in, All Suffering / Breathe out, Everything Good)

8) 3 Objects, 3 Poisons: 3 roots of virtue.  (Objects of attachment, ...of hostility,...of ignorance: into virtue)

9) Practice every activity with slogans.  (Tonglen & Lojong in every act)

10) Begin taking & sending w/ yourself.  (Until I can do for myself, I will be unable to do for another)

3. Using Adversity (11-15)

11) When evil fills the world, change adversity into the path of awakening.  (Each obstacle is a chance to wake up)

12) Drive all Blames into One.  (Suffering has no other cause than Ego Clinging) 

13) Be grateful to everyone.  (Obstacles presented by others are some of the very best opportunities to develop by Lojong)

14) Emptiness comes in meditation on the four Kayas 

a. All is empty,

b. First arising of compassion from emptiness,

c. Compassion w/out conditions;

d. Simply being w/out distinctions, categories, divisions)

15) Whatever you encounter, immediately apply it to meditation. (Meet everything with awareness)

4. Life & Death (16)

16) Practice the five strengths

a. Determination to be egoless

b. Through being mindful & aware

c. So as to cultivate Bodhicitta

d. To release clinging grasping

e. Through prayer for the benefit of all others.

5. Yardsticks (17-20)

17) All dharma has a single goal.  (All lessons are designed to subdue ego-clinging)

18) Of the 2 witnesses, follow the one.  (Be true to myself) 

19) Always have the support of a Joyful mind.  (With help of a joyful mind, difficulty is an aid to Tonglen  - Lighten Up!)

20) Practice even when distracted (Be aware when I am distracted)

6. Commitments (21-36)

21) Abide the three Basic Principles

a. Keep promises,

b. Attend only to the essential,

c. Practice the same way in each situation

22) Transform your desires, & remain who you are.  (Do not be ostentatious in my new attitude of compassion)

23) Do not discuss defects.  (Of others or myself)

24) Do not ponder others.  (It is merely a mirror of myself & "Pray: May all be free of this suffering.")

25) Work on your greatest imperfection first.  (Focus full awareness on the place where I repeatedly stumble.) 

26) Give up hoping for results.  (It creates barriers to earnest practice on the path - Bodichitta)

27) Abandon poisonous food (Even virtuous thoughts & actions, if motivated by Clinging to concrete reality & self-cherishing, are like poisonous food)  

28) Don't rely on consistency.  (As when I am unable to break from the past.)

29) Don't malign others.  (Do not gossip either good or bad.)

30) Don't wait for an opportunity (Either: to engage in practice or to 'ambush' another)

31 Do not strike at weakness (Don't criticize belief, love, trust, etc.)

32) Don't transfer the Ox's burden to a cow.  (Don't shift responsibility for my feelings, blame, or other burdens)  

33) In your practice, don't aim to win.  (The Practice is not a race or competition to be better than others)

34) Don't act with a twist.  (Act without ulterior motive, only be direct & straight, not sneaky, not sideways)

35) Don't make Gods into Demons.  (Avoid inflated ego that may use the practice to avoid real insight)

36) Do not expect advantage from suffering.  (Yearning for another's suffering merely guarantees my own)

7. Guidlines (37-57)

37) Do everything with One intention.  (Transform everything, even obligations into Spiritual Practice w/ "Bodhichitta" intention)

38) One method will correct all wrong.  (Awareness / mindfulness)

39) 2 Actions on 2 Occasions: beginning & end.  (Begin & end each day with a commitment to Bodhicitta practice) 

40) Be patient, whichever of the 2 occurs.  (Don't jump into my habitual pattern in either good or bad fortune) 

41) Observe two precepts even at the risk of life.  (Awareness & compassion - Osho) 

42) Train in 3 difficult disciplines. 

First, become aware when disturbing emotions arise;

Later, as soon as I am aware, turn from it;

Finally, take action to prevent the seed before it is sown)

43) Take on the 3 primary resources.  (Teacher, Environment, Teachings)

44) Don't allow 3 things to weaken.  (Three Jewels / Objects of Refuge: the Buddha, the Sangha, and the Dhamma/Dharma)

45) Keep the 3 Inseparable. (Integrate Practice in Body, Speech, & Mind)

46) Deep & pervasive training: unbiased in every area.  (Without beliefs, without boundary, without holding back: in all 3 objects: #8)

47) Meditate on that which provokes resentment.  (Use resentments as a reminder, not an obstacle) 

48) Do not rely on external conditions.  (All conditions nurture the practice of Lojong/Tonglen)

49) This time, practice the main points. 

a. Benefit others,

b. Experience rather than books,

c. Bodhicitta is most important.

50) Avoid these 6 mistakes

AVOID: 

a. Impatience - be patient in all things esp. the practice,

b. To want wealth, happiness, pleasure, etc. at the expense of the practice,

c. To enjoy only pleasures & not the practice,

d. To have only compassion for innocents & not for all - even evil doers,

e. To be 'helpful' in a wrong way,

f.  Inappropriate rejoicing.

51) Do not be erratic. (Practice with steady consistency)

52) Train wholeheartedly.  (After I think I get it, start again to go to the next deeper understanding - again & again)

53) Find freedom by using:  Examination & Investigation.  (Be aware of the strongest clinging, then notice when it arises, again & again)

54) Don't make a fuss.  (Neither brag or wallow in self-pity - every experience is illusion)

55) Don't be jealous.  (It will lead to wrong action)

56) Don't be frivolous or fickle.  (Don't irritate others by my action, such as jealousy or "holier than...")

57) Don't expect thanks.  (Don't do anything merely for the recognition of others)

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An Early Practical Dharma

This book by Champat Rai Jain was published in 1929.  The translated title is The Practical Dharma.  My bookmark is on Chapter IX: Dharma in Practice.  This is the second edition of the book, the orginal went by the title Practial Path.  Unfortunately, you will not be able to buy this book. 

Today I am cleaning up my office.  I moved many of my books upstairs to the attic.  I have a Kindle and think one day, I may be able to release my attachment to books (ha! they'll just be hidden in cyberspace, my attachment will be the same).  At least my office space will look neater.  First we moved our music into digital space and soon I think "writings" (books) will go the same way.  Perhaps using the Kindle is "shaping up my behavior".  By using an eReader, I am letting go of some of my attachment to books.

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I remembered why hearing the Buddhadharma alone is not enough...

no matter how fortunate a person's environment may be.

I have been thinking about the question I posed (to myself!) in a recent post. My question was, "why aren't more people enlightened?" From my observations of the state of the world, it appears not many are; even though we have millions of people in the West, who live in what would have to be considered a "high birth". These people live a life in which all of their material needs are met in abundance. In addition, there are tons of great resources out there to provide excellent insight into the dharma. If you are reading this you have probably seen lots of these. For example, go to Daily Buddhism, you can see the information is always spot on. Yet from the questions asked on that site, it is clear many people are still struggling.

It is plainly not about how fortunate one's circumstances appear to be. Is my situation more favorable because I have ten thousand times more than what I need? I think not; it is probably true that having many times more stuff than I actually need is a barrier to enlightenment.  (Wow, how did I forget this!)  I still argue that we have abundant affordances to make enlightenment available to many more people in the West than seem to be benefiting from these resources. These are the same things I mentioned in a previous post, such as access to education, the Internet, teachers, etc.

The answer to "why aren't more people enlightened" is that it takes a lot of meditation to create the circumstances that allow the dharma to fall on fertile ground. 

Since I recognized the fundamental truth of the Four Noble Truths and other aspects of the Dharma, my life is mostly without suffering.  Before I had moments of release from suffering, now I have moments of suffering interspersed with mostly time with peace of mind.  Even for these moments of suffering, I typically wake up after only a few minutes to realize what I need to do to return to peace of mind.

My life was a natural experiment in the benefits of meditation.  (I think there may be others who have a similar situation.)  I first started meditating in 1972 using the Transcendental Meditation (TM) method.  I have meditated regularly since that time, my practice has changed over time especially in the past 8 years as I developed more understanding of philosophical Buddhism.  I did OK during the time I was "just" meditating, but not following the Buddhist dharma.  I married, had great kids, got my PhD in psychology, worked as a therapist in many different settings, and I think helped many people.

Prior to about 2000, I had read Buddhist literature and spoken to Buddhist practitioners, but too often  I encountered faulty information such as silly ideas about reincarnation, karma, deities, etc.  But sometime around 2000, I found Stephen Batchelor's book Buddhism Without Beliefs (1997, ISBN 1-57322-656-4)  It was then that I realized, there was a philosophical Buddhism that was true.  At that time, I had been meditating for 28 years.  You might say that insight fell on fertile ground.

I have only been studying the Buddhist Dharma with an open mind since 2000, so it seems to me that I got a rather immediate benefit from the first moment I "heard the Buddhadharma", but now that I think about my situation, I had been preparing my mind for 28 years prior to my first hearing with things like, a well developed meditation practice, continuous study of psychology, and compassion work "in the field".  The past 8 years have been a time of rapid release from suffering.  This has especially been true for me in the past 3 or so years during which I have had even more release from suffering and even a few moments of clarity ;)

If you are looking for peace of mind, you are doing the right thing to seek out the Buddhadarma, the community of Buddhist followers, and right minded teachers; and you will need to develop your meditation practice to cultivate fertile ground in which your peace can grow.

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