Lojong 20 Practice even when distracted.

5. Yardsticks (16 - 20)

(Become aware when I am distracted).

This saying is near and dear to me since like so many others, I struggle with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).  I find it amusing that so many people who are critical of those who struggle with this, are merely unaware of their own issues in this area. 

I admit that when I was a child and adolescent my difficulties may have been worse.  I was a terrible student until I got to college.  Parents of children with this problem take heart, I now have a PhD, a post professional masters in healthcare administration, and a number of high level Certifications.  In college, I began my meditation practice and my beginning work in self-discovery by majoring in psychology. 

In practice, the method underlying this saying is the same as that for developing mindfulness.  When I become aware that I am distracted, I simply return to the present moment, task at hand, person I am with, or whatever is appropriate (in that moment).  As I develop more skill at becoming aware of those moments when my distraction (lack of mindfulness) begins, these become much easier to deal with.

The position of the Practical Dharma is that we are all only human and live in a real world.  Based on this, the goal of the Practical Dharma is not to transend to perfect enlightenment, but merely to be in this moment more often.  There are many sayings that address this issue, like Lojong 26 Give up hoping for results.  (Especially, hoping that all of this effort will result in perfect enlightenment.) 

In this real world, the "best" I can hope for is to beecome aware when I am distracted.



13) Be grateful to everyone

3. Using Adversity (11 – 15)

Obstacles presented by others are some of the very best opportunities to develop.

    You may begin using this saying with the most obvious opportunities.  This occurs when we encounter the irritating and sadly unenlightened people we meet each day.  These are people like the rude ones who honk at us from their cars, or break in line, or are incompetent at their jobs.  I recently had a "customer service" experience with my cellular telephone carrier that was a huge opportunity for me to learn from adversity.  (Why yes, it was AT&T, how did you know?)  I will not burden you with all of the details.  The point is that while I may have compassion for the ignorance and suffering the "service representatives" cause for themselves and others, I still have to take care of business.  I attempted to do this without becoming so perturbed that it interfered with my peace of mind, while at the same time holding on to the energy needed to do what it took to resolve the issue.  (Such as send a registered letter to the company president, contact my state attorney general, etc.)  I was just trying to be funny when I called my issue with AT&T, "the mother of all Jihads".)  My issue was resolved after a few weeks.

     I felt anger and compassion for the ignorance of the "service representatives".  Anger for the obvious reason, and compassion because they were obviously stuck in an employment situation in which they were instructed by someone to say, "we don't have to refund all the money; do you want the $150.00 or not".  (I was able to obtain the entire $1200 that AT&T owed me.)

     However, I contend this sort of situation is relatively easy to use as an opportunity because there is a clear discrimination, from my expectation of what will happen to that which actually occurred.  The same is true of the honked horn.  It may actually jar me into awareness of the opportunity it presents to examine my own issues; and it abruptly challenges my ability to have compassion in action.  These abrupt and clearly external situations are easier than situations in relationships with others that are maintained on a daily or even intimate basis.

     In these intimate relationships, the emotions, issues, and problems are more complicated.  How do I know when my own behavior has set the occasion for the behavior in the other person?  It is so much easier when the opportunity for enlightenment hits us out of the blue.  When it creeps up on us day by day, it is much harder to be fully aware.

     My suggestion for using this Lojong is simply start with the opportunities that are easily discriminated, then gradually work your way up to analyzing how your intimate relationships provide opportunities to develop.

Enjoying the ride to the cemetery

Meeting Buddha on the Road

I posted on this topic once before (http://web.archive.org/web/20070520195445/www.practicaldharma.com/?m=200601) in January, 2006.  "It" happened to me again the other day.  There is an employee of the hospital that everyone knows because he delivers the sheets and blankets to all of the units.  He is a bit of character.  He wears a uniform that looks a little bit like a police uniform with motorcycle boots (although it is in compliance with the uniform standard for his department.)  He rolls the sleeves of his (always) short sleeve shirt up, and sometimes I think I can see what looks like a pack of cigarettes in that James Dean style.  (This would be purely for affect because smoking is not allowed anywhere on hospital grounds.)  He wears his hair in a sorta Mohawk, although the sides are not overly short.  I have seen him ride up to work on his motorcycle.

I was taking a shortcut through the hospital basement when I ran into him.  He said he could hardly wait for Friday, even though this was Tuesday afternoon.  I casually mentioned that I had a good weekend, but that I don't like to "wish my life away by living for the future".  He picked up right away, saying, "Yes, you can't enjoy the moment you are in if you do that."  Then he said, "... like, you can't even enjoy a nice ride to the cemetery...."  He seemed embarrassed that he had said that and added some short explanation, "... like if you were going there for a family member ...."  But I was enthusiastic in my agreement with him.  I thought he said the most profound thing I have heard from the mouth of another in years!

I hope I can live in the moment to enjoy this ride to the cemetery.

12) Drive all blame into one.

3. Using Adversity (11 – 15)

Suffering has no other cause than ego clinging.

    This slogan is pretty dogmatic.  It would only take one example of suffering without ego clinging as a primary component, to undermine it.  Please post an example if you have one.

    The only caveat for posting a counter example is that suffering is not the same as pain or discomfort.  We are all aware that the world is full of pain and discomfort.  Pain transforms into suffering when I demand that it be something else.  This point has been made many times and in many places.  Radical acceptance is not that I change my view to allow that everything is just and right.  There are many things that are not fair, just or right.  The point of a radical acceptance is that suffering results when I fail to accept that the event has occurred or is occurring.

    Radical Acceptance does not mean that as soon as I accept that an event has occurred, I am no longer in a position to make an effort to change it or correct it.  It is argued that I am in a much better position to make an effective effort to change the event because I have accepted its reality.  I am no longer blinded by my demand that things be different than they are.  Examples, of demanding that things be different are things like, “I can't stand it when this happens.”,  “I can't believe he did this to me.” , “I just can't accept this diagnosis.”,  “This just is not fair.”  etc.  Each of these statements represent a barrier to seeing reality clearly and result in suffering in addition to the pain of the event. 

    The root of every demand that things be different than reality is my clinging to “but I do not want it to be this way” and the corollary “things should, must or ought to be the way I want.”

God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can;
 and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; 
enjoying one moment at a time; 
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 
taking, as He did, this sinful world
 as it is, not as I would have it; ....

(IMJ: the rest of this slips into Ego Clinging, but the first part is good stuff).

   --Reinhold Niebuhr

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10) Begin Taking and Sending with Yourself

2. Formal Practice (2-10)

Until I can do this for myself, I will be unable to do this for another.

The Taking and Sending referred to in this saying is the practice of Tonglen or Loving Kindness Meditation.  This topic is discussed in Logong 7, so the this post addresses why there is an instruction to begin Taking and Sending with yourself.

What do you think of the saying, "Until you love yourself; you will be unable to love another?"  If you understand this correctly, you probably already get this entire post.  Thank you, if you are still willing to read these thoughts on the matter.  If you would be interested here is a link to the stories of Pygmalion and Narcissus.  Love requires the ability to want the best for the other person, and in so doing our benefit is incidental (but probably inevitable).

I can take in my own sufferring and send out love and kindness to myself, whenever sufferring arises in myself; to the extent I become aware of this arising.  No matter how "enlightened" I am, there will be moments when I forget or become blinded to the causes of sufferring.  Hopefully, I can become aware of these moments as soon as they arise (and eventually before that).  If you would like to read more about this, try 42) Train in 3 Difficult Disciplines. The practice of Taking and Sending with Yourself will be particularly helpful as you begin to use Lojong 42 to deal with the recurrent events that we all encounter while working towards "Peace of mind in the real world."

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